it has been a very long time..have u ever feel that u r just dont have that much heart to do the thing u used to love..
hell yeahh..im facing all those thing...right now..
it seems reverse of what ive been doing in this 22 years old..22 years old,people..22 years old enough for what ive been dreaming since i was a small kid,running ups and down,tears here and there,gain weight,loose weight, being ugly,no one care, no one gave a glance,being pretty,everybody came at one time.. ive gone through all that in these 22 years old of life..no,it is not the end of life.. there is so much i never experience..marriage for example..ahaaa..a friend i used to laugh with,played with,do all d crappy thing,played truant, she get married n that's it..she's pregnant..time surely walk faster..i miss the lily girl..
when i look back on those old time,i miss it a lot..being one of the top students since primary school make me feel like i got a big hit by a big stone on my head entering a medical school..no,dont ever count and look for ur name on the first paper since it's the paper for first top 20 student.. n dont ever look at the second paper coz it surely for another 20 students (top 40).. so please look at the FOURTH paper cz the third paper wont guarantee ur name on it..u ll end up just 'ok ,i passed..that's good enough'..hell yeah,that's good enough for u to just even PASS compare to those who are not,even your name might be at the bottom of last piece of paper for pass students..thats why i nearly crazy missed when i was in school..no need to work hard, take out a book,read it a night before exam,i'll end up on the stage waiting for my name been called..to receive award for being one of the top scorer'..GREAT,FUN..known by the teachers..did it in wrong way,stupid way..no one will ever looked down on u..no one will ever blamed on u..no one..
i missed those time when the one who woke me up every morning was only my mother..she nagged every morning,pity her that she had to bear with my attitude,same thing she talked,same thing she nagged about,for being irresponsible me,for woke up late,for not prepared before i went to bed,for settled everything in the morning then ill be in real rushed. but until the last day of school, nothing change.. my papa tekan hon banyak2 kali because i was already late,still i was in front of the mirror,looked at my appearance. he screamed down there for my name because he was also late for his work(soryy,pa).. i miss the time when i got back from school, my lunch was ready on the table.. i dont have to think about my stomach coz i knew my mother would settle everything for me..i miss when i studied at midnight, my mom brought me a glass of milo or tea and some biscuits. n i missed when my papa threw my radio and my favorite artist's poster because he didnt like it that way..i was real angry at that time..but tonight,i really miss it when there's no one come upstairs and ask whether im doing good or not,whether ive already eaten or not..
the time when my mom get sick was the time that cause a huge breakdown to me..no,i hope it wont happen again,ill blamed the world for not being fair to me.
.
now,again,i stuck here..in this not-so-small room,im typing,writing..but not as much as before..not as happily as before..im running out of energy..im tired..extremely tired..
im not interested in studying,im not interested in doing charity things,im not interested being a medical student.im not interested in facebooking,blogggng..i no more interested in going out,spend money on clothes,hang out,look for friends..im not interested in cleaning my room..all in mess..books here and there,2 bunch of clothes at the corner of the room..i just like sit down,doing nothing,sleeping all day whenever i have leisure time.
but thank GOD,im still interested in GUY rather than HE make me interested in same creature like me..well,it is good enough..y be so ungrateful??..that surely is a good thing,is it?sounds like there is an interesting thing to do..yeahh,,come on people..time to grow up..
~salam~
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